and so this is christmas?

Righto, Christmas blog time. Made it back to merry old London town with only a slight hiccup of crazy bomb scare at Paris airport. Kind of scary. I got to the airport and there were thousands of people outside and I thought to myself "Man, I knew it was going to be busy but this is crazy!"
I pushed my way to the front of the doors to finally realise that there was no one inside and that some army Frenchie was yelling at me to get back. My stupidity sometimes never ceases to amaze me.
So I found somewhere far back to wait (and duck and cover if the need be) and smoke the dregs of my rollies while I waited for the all clear.......
..... hours later we finally got the all clear and the rush into the airport was like the running of the bulls. Fuck women and children first, it was every man for themselves.
I managed to only get here a few hours off schedule and luckily catch the last of the public transport options (for some idiotic reason, public transport DOESN'T operate on Christmas day. Oh the joy I have of an hour and a half walk to the restaurant today. Not to mention the hour and a half back after getting 'festive')

Back to all things joyful. Hope you are all having a merry one and are getting drunk and telling the family what you really think of them. Christmas just isn't christmas without one druken slag off.

Quick, call the style brigade!

So here I am, my first full day in gay Paree. I palmed off a small French town to come here a few days early. I just couldn't wait. Its Paris, you know? I got all frocked up (as frocked up as you can from a backpack of the same clothes you have been wearing for the last 8 months) and then realised that I didn't actually know where the fabulous people and their haunts were. I then remembered a web site I used to check out before I went anywhere. Superfuture to the rescue. It always had a good listing of uber cool stores, galleries, bars, books and record stores and of course all the fabulous clothes stores that Paris is so famous for. It was a goldmine for my trip to Tokyo (Ingars, you should totally check it out before you go to L.A. Its bound to have a few good things on there)
Jackpot.
I now hold the address of, to name but a few, the Martin Margiela, Helmut Lang, Comme de Garçons and Chanel stores (I'm not particularly a Chanel fan, but, when in Paris...) plus a few cool sounding galleries and bars. No more time to blog. I'm in Gay Paree and I'm letting myself have ONE credit card splurge.
Au revoir mon cheri's!

Burrrr

I'm in Lyon and its 2°C. I'm supposed to be going out tonight to see Four Tet play. I ain't goin' anywhere. In my mind, I'm here.

Strangers with Candy

I'm hanging around Barca for a few more hours until my bus to Lyon tonight catching up on emails and blogs plus watching some of my favourite scenes from Strangers with Candy (the series, not the movie) For those of you unaware SWC is an absolutely hysterical show from 1999 based around Jerri, a 46 year old high school drop out going back to school and going through the 'normal' problems that any teenager would. Its so wrong its hysterical. I can't pick one episode to post so here are my all time top 5 quotes from the show.

5. (Poppy applying homemade glint of Jerri's on her lips)
Poppy - My lips feels numb
Jerri - Yeah its gonna numb it. Actually its gonna numb where ever you apply it which can
be a godsend. I used to apply it liberally when I did this donkey show it Tijuana....

4. The Downs lost a child and I lost a turtle. Which is the greater loss? I don't know

3. I gotta get laid. My bacon strips are sizzlin'

2. Befriending new people can lead to having sex with your children..... accidentally

1. Stoney and I would go over to Buckles and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of eather with a float of a Perocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, then we got high. Those were some good times!

wah

So I've made one more stop before I make it back to Barça (and then move on again to France) I've stopped in Granada in the South of Spain especially go to Alhambra. A stunning Moorish Castle that I have always meant to come to and have had numerous people tell me to. I walked all the way to the top of the castle to find that you have to PRE BOOK friggin' entry tickets.... and of course they are booked out til Monday..... and of course I have my flight back home tomorrow. DANG NABBIT! I'm so cranky that I made a trip here especially for this and I can't even go. Grrrr. I'm supposed to be in a good mood. Its a 5 day public holiday here (well, technically 3 but then if you add the weekend, its 5) and I was really looking forward to wrapping up the Spain/Morocco travels with this.

Okay no point in being all grouchy. If I just watch that Indian parody of 'Dance with Me' one more time, I'm sure I'll be fine. Man, that clip cracks me up!

If you're nerdy and you know it

5 camels and a sack of cous cous. Thats my highest offer!

So I have finally made the trek across the waters to African shores and am kickin' back Moroccan style. Drinking copious amounts of mint tea, watching the snake charmers (from a painfully safe distance) and just generally feeling like an extra on a Monty Python spoof of Ali Baba and the 40 thieves. Its all a bit ridiculous really, how many cliches about this place are true. Especially the attention foreign women receive. I can't go ten paces without something being said, an offer being made for me to join their harem or just general leering and whistling. Its all pretty harmless..... I think.

That being said, if you don't hear from me for a while and someone shows up on my parents doorstep offering them 5 camels and a sack of cous cous for my hand in marriage,
SEND HELP!!!!

Portugalo es da puta madre (portugal is the shiate in espanol)

I was just in the Fabrica store in Lisbon and what did I come across? A Minimum Chips Album! I can't believe I am half way across the world and in THE coolest store in Lisbon and I find an album of people I know. Go Min Chips!

I also bought a friggin awesome compilation of underground Portuguese noise which I will write about next blog.

Verdict: Portugal Rocks!!!!!

sleeping with the light on

So yesterday I went to one of the best galleries in Madrid, the Prado, to see one of the best collections of European art (circa 13th Century - 20th Century) and amidst the 50 odd rooms (yes 50) 7 of them were dedicated to Goya. One of Spain's most influencial painters and certainly a favourite of mine. His work is so varied from his stylised almost cartoonish paintings of Christ to the complete dark side which had me screaming with fear.

'Saturno' (above) is one of my favourites and one of his most well known. It is based on the story of the mythologial Saturn, devouring his son in a fit of jealousy and rage.

I've also gotten to see Peter Paul Rubens' version of this as well and although this one is highly critisised in comparision to that one, I prefer Goya's version.

I love how he has broken Saturn down to a simple demonic creature possesed by his own insecurities, how he has physically deteriorated and how it looks as though he is about to be devoured by darkness himself in a matter of seconds.

Plus this painting scares the be-jebus out of me. I love it when that happens

Leavin' on a jet plane (or smelly train more like it)

Okay so I've been a bit too busy and have been slacking off with blog posts. There is much loco-ness is my life. I'm gettin outta this town and making my way to the African shores of Morocco in a week and there is much to organise. I'm really excited about going to Portugal and Morocco (and spending Xmas in Gay Paree!) but I'm also really sad to leave here. Its become home so quickly and I could definitely see myself coming back for a longer period.

So with that being said, here are my top 5 things that I am going to miss about Barça:

5. Tortilla patata bocadillos - its one mean baguette that I know I will never find anywhere else thats just as good

4. The exceptance of openly gay couples - although not gay myself (my parents seem to think otherwise) I love how open and accepting everyone is about there sexuality. Its so interesting because its such a heavily religous country but they have no qualms about any of your sexual perversions. Anything goes here and its really liberating.

3. My insane share house - I know that I bitch and moan about living with 10 other people but in the last month everyone has really opened up and its become a really fun place to live. Its literally my version of The Spanish Apartment.

2. The Men - Okay thats probably sounds more promiscuous than I meant it to but, oh my, there are some painfully attractive men here. Lots from Italy, Germany, Spain of course and because of the openess of the town, they are up for anything. Anytime.

1. The Partying - Catalunians are up for a party at anytime of the day or night. There's a public holiday every month and at the mere mention of throwing a party, they are the first ones up for it. I've adjusted all too well to this late night action (there's another joke about my promiscuity right there kids!) The eating dinner at 11pm, drinks at 1am and then off to a band at 3 or 4am. Lord only knows how I will adjust back into how the rest of the world operates!

lazin on a sunny crafternoon

So although the sun is still shining gloriously in Barça during the day, the evenings have been getting somewhat nipply and I have decided that it's time to knit myself another scarf to keep away the chills. Problem being that they aren't really that big on knitting here and that there were some issues finding a crafty store. I ended up in a euro version of price attack that had a few bundles of wool that didn't look like regurgitated 'coogie' wool so I snaffled them up only to realise that there were no knitting needles to be found.
Not to worry, the inner Tonya Todmann in me came to the rescue and I have found that I can make myself a lovely little scarf using 2 pastry brushes that I have sharpened into stakes (also handy for those uncomfortable situations with vampires)
I'm just two pipe cleaners and a bog roll away from pure Tonya genius.

I went to Barçelona and all I got was this lousy picture with Jesus

There is one thing about this town that really stands out. Street performers. And lots of them. Its easy for them to get a licence to perform and 'proper' jobs can be scarce so you will often walk down a street and come across a minion of hell, the little mermaid, julius caesar and the group of B-boys hanging out and having a cafe con leche in between performances. You see so many you don't even bat an eyelid anymore and nothing shocks you....... until I came across a new kid on the block yesterday. Jesus. Someone had dressed up as Jesus. (cleaned up Jesus by the way. Last Supper kind of Jesus, not bloody cross kind of Jesus) Now I would like to think I'm pretty open minded but is it just me or is this going a bit too far? Since when has the big man upstairs been a novelty act? Is he now availible to hire out for weddings and bahmitzfahs? Have I missed something? Halloween is coming up, should I be expecting to see a whole lot of Jesus' running around? (with their girlfriends coming as Mary) I know they are devout catholics here but are they really that crazy about him? I've never seen his picture on the cover of 'Hola!' magazine. Plus, who really wants to have their picture taken with Jesus? Its not like you could even try and fool your friends into thinking it was the real deal. What would Jesus be doing busking? Things are a little slow in heaven at the moment and his hours have been cut back so he needs to make some extra cash?Maybe it is just a flash in the pan novelty. A sort of delayed Da Vinci Code gimmick that trickled down to the Catalunian street performers. Maybe in a few weeks he will be gone and will be replaced with Darth Vader, or maybe Clive Owen will be there instead. I'm just hoping that the next time I go down that street that he hasn't seen Wolf Creek or something.......

the age of techmology

okay, so first I had my little (insert sarcasm here) group emails, then I got my flickr sorted so you could visualise my travels, now you can read all about my daily thoughts and commentaries on life. Ahhhh, I love this age of self indulgence.....