and so this is christmas?

Righto, Christmas blog time. Made it back to merry old London town with only a slight hiccup of crazy bomb scare at Paris airport. Kind of scary. I got to the airport and there were thousands of people outside and I thought to myself "Man, I knew it was going to be busy but this is crazy!"
I pushed my way to the front of the doors to finally realise that there was no one inside and that some army Frenchie was yelling at me to get back. My stupidity sometimes never ceases to amaze me.
So I found somewhere far back to wait (and duck and cover if the need be) and smoke the dregs of my rollies while I waited for the all clear.......
..... hours later we finally got the all clear and the rush into the airport was like the running of the bulls. Fuck women and children first, it was every man for themselves.
I managed to only get here a few hours off schedule and luckily catch the last of the public transport options (for some idiotic reason, public transport DOESN'T operate on Christmas day. Oh the joy I have of an hour and a half walk to the restaurant today. Not to mention the hour and a half back after getting 'festive')

Back to all things joyful. Hope you are all having a merry one and are getting drunk and telling the family what you really think of them. Christmas just isn't christmas without one druken slag off.

Quick, call the style brigade!

So here I am, my first full day in gay Paree. I palmed off a small French town to come here a few days early. I just couldn't wait. Its Paris, you know? I got all frocked up (as frocked up as you can from a backpack of the same clothes you have been wearing for the last 8 months) and then realised that I didn't actually know where the fabulous people and their haunts were. I then remembered a web site I used to check out before I went anywhere. Superfuture to the rescue. It always had a good listing of uber cool stores, galleries, bars, books and record stores and of course all the fabulous clothes stores that Paris is so famous for. It was a goldmine for my trip to Tokyo (Ingars, you should totally check it out before you go to L.A. Its bound to have a few good things on there)
Jackpot.
I now hold the address of, to name but a few, the Martin Margiela, Helmut Lang, Comme de Garçons and Chanel stores (I'm not particularly a Chanel fan, but, when in Paris...) plus a few cool sounding galleries and bars. No more time to blog. I'm in Gay Paree and I'm letting myself have ONE credit card splurge.
Au revoir mon cheri's!

Burrrr

I'm in Lyon and its 2°C. I'm supposed to be going out tonight to see Four Tet play. I ain't goin' anywhere. In my mind, I'm here.

Strangers with Candy

I'm hanging around Barca for a few more hours until my bus to Lyon tonight catching up on emails and blogs plus watching some of my favourite scenes from Strangers with Candy (the series, not the movie) For those of you unaware SWC is an absolutely hysterical show from 1999 based around Jerri, a 46 year old high school drop out going back to school and going through the 'normal' problems that any teenager would. Its so wrong its hysterical. I can't pick one episode to post so here are my all time top 5 quotes from the show.

5. (Poppy applying homemade glint of Jerri's on her lips)
Poppy - My lips feels numb
Jerri - Yeah its gonna numb it. Actually its gonna numb where ever you apply it which can
be a godsend. I used to apply it liberally when I did this donkey show it Tijuana....

4. The Downs lost a child and I lost a turtle. Which is the greater loss? I don't know

3. I gotta get laid. My bacon strips are sizzlin'

2. Befriending new people can lead to having sex with your children..... accidentally

1. Stoney and I would go over to Buckles and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of eather with a float of a Perocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, then we got high. Those were some good times!

wah

So I've made one more stop before I make it back to Barça (and then move on again to France) I've stopped in Granada in the South of Spain especially go to Alhambra. A stunning Moorish Castle that I have always meant to come to and have had numerous people tell me to. I walked all the way to the top of the castle to find that you have to PRE BOOK friggin' entry tickets.... and of course they are booked out til Monday..... and of course I have my flight back home tomorrow. DANG NABBIT! I'm so cranky that I made a trip here especially for this and I can't even go. Grrrr. I'm supposed to be in a good mood. Its a 5 day public holiday here (well, technically 3 but then if you add the weekend, its 5) and I was really looking forward to wrapping up the Spain/Morocco travels with this.

Okay no point in being all grouchy. If I just watch that Indian parody of 'Dance with Me' one more time, I'm sure I'll be fine. Man, that clip cracks me up!

If you're nerdy and you know it

5 camels and a sack of cous cous. Thats my highest offer!

So I have finally made the trek across the waters to African shores and am kickin' back Moroccan style. Drinking copious amounts of mint tea, watching the snake charmers (from a painfully safe distance) and just generally feeling like an extra on a Monty Python spoof of Ali Baba and the 40 thieves. Its all a bit ridiculous really, how many cliches about this place are true. Especially the attention foreign women receive. I can't go ten paces without something being said, an offer being made for me to join their harem or just general leering and whistling. Its all pretty harmless..... I think.

That being said, if you don't hear from me for a while and someone shows up on my parents doorstep offering them 5 camels and a sack of cous cous for my hand in marriage,
SEND HELP!!!!